Ghost of You and Me
by CrazyDC
Summary: "She had never been a heel kind of girl but tonight was a special occasion. Tonight, after all, was their anniversary – she was wearing blue she had to wear the heels as well." Dark, angsty, bitter - because I want Bella, AU/AH or not, to grow a backbone. Edward/Bella & Emmett/Rosalie - not necessarily in that order...
1. Come On Closer

"Well isn't someone feisty tonight? Know what you want baby?" the tall man whispered into her ear as he nibbled on her ear lobe and roughly tugged at the tight blue dress she was wearing – he knew she loved that. After years of the same routine, he knew exactly what excited her, what made her scream his name the loudest, what made her moan and shiver with anticipation.

The thin, pale girl fumbled with the keys cursing her clumsiness and the fact that she had decided to wear heels. She had never been a heel kind of girl but tonight was a special occasion. Tonight, heels were authorized…after all it was their anniversary – she was wearing blue she had to wear the heels as well.

_"Alice would be so proud…"_ she thought to herself as she finally found the key to her apartment and opened the door.

As soon as the door opened he threw her up against the wall and captured her mouth with his, his excitement growing as she opened her mouth allowing their tongues to find each other, furiously, desperately. He felt the all familiar tightening in his pants, he knew today was going to be special if the past three years were any indication.

"You look fucking amazing tonight. I love the dress and the heels. Definitely has my seal of approval." He whispered into her neck as his hands began roaming her inner thighs. He loved when she wore her lace garter – she might look like an innocent angel but the past three years had taught him that there was more to her than just an angelic, fragile face. He knew of her pain, he knew of her scars – the emotional and physical ones – and he welcomed them. Seeing and knowing the beautiful girl who he happened to be groping was a blessing and a curse – she had saved him and in turn he had saved her, from what, he didn't know he was just glad that he was there, despite it all he did love her.

She looked at him as she slowly spread her legs to give his hands better access to her. Her face showed lust, passion, love and heartbreak, so much heartbreak it left him a little breathless. He couldn't help care about the girl, he knew she felt the same way but they were both too far into this to let pesky little things like feelings stop them from seeking solace in each other's bodies. The damage was done – they had made this choice a long time ago, there was no going back. They found comfort in each other; they found pleasure in each other. The scraps of love that they gave each other mended their broken hearts and spirits even if it was for a second. They always did welcome the relief.

"Why are you still talking? This works a lot better when you just shut the fuck up and do what you're good at." she angrily yelled at him. For a moment she shocked herself, three years ago she would have never spoken to anyone like that just thinking about saying something like that would have made her blush. Then again three years ago she never believed she'd be pinned up against the wall of her small apartment begging the man that has been her salvation to fuck her into oblivion on their anniversary. The irony of the situation almost made her laugh, and she would have if it didn't make her so fucking angry and sad. She fought back a sob that made her throat burn, but he knew her too well and had to call her on her emotional slip-up, if only to get her all riled up.

"Thinking about _him_ are we?" the tall man said to her with a cocky smirk. For a second he thought he saw her eyes well up with tears and he regretted the mocking tone he had used with her, but the second fled and there she was, face still as a stone and eyes dry as the desert ready for the battle to begin. Nothing like ripping each other's hearts out before sex – it was their version of foreplay – and fuck it if she was changing the rules now.

"Fuck you asshole! You forget you have a dirty little secret too. Were you thinking about _her_ when you were smelling my hair at dinner?" he could hear the bitterness in her voice and he'd be dammed if his heart didn't break when she mentioned _her_.

"Shut the fuck up!" he yelled at her as he forcibly ripped her dress off of her body. He had had enough of this foreplay shit, they were never any good at it anyway. They were fuckers – literally and metaphorically. Looking at her standing in front of him in only her black lingerie he couldn't help but wish she were taller, curvier but damn it was she beautiful in her own way and for right now that was enough. He kissed her lips with a hunger and passion that made her shudder with lust and fear. He knew she wished he were leaner and taller but damn it he knew that he was enough for her too – at least for right now.

As their kiss intensified his hands roamed her back and desperately tried to find the clasp to her bra. He wanted – no – he needed her. He needed her touch, he needed to be inside her to kill the pain that her words had brought to his heart. After an eternity he finally found her bra clasp – just one clasp stood in the way of them and their salvation for the night. Finally as his hands were about to unclasp her beautiful, exotic bra he felt her tense up and heard a painful gasp come out of her. His hands froze, knowing automatically that something was wrong but his face remained on the crook of her neck until he heard her whisper the one name that she only whispers in her sleep when her defenses are down and the icy walls around her heart are melting.

"Edward…"


	2. Everytime

Ok so like I said, I'm completely new at this and I have no idea if anyone is reading or even cares but the problem is that I have this idea in my head that just will not let me sleep unless I write it down and to be honest with you it's getting a bit annoying. That being said, if anyone is reading and has any comments, suggestions, ideas, constructive criticism etc.I am all EARS! Like I said I have a general idea in my head but I don't know details until they keep me up at all hours of the night! I'd really appreciate hearing any input any of you guys might have (if you're even reading this) I'd be forever indebted to you if you could help me out!

~XOXO~

There were many things that Isabella Swan had learned to live with these past three years of her life. Pain, heartache, bitterness, nightmares and meaningless comfort sex were some of the things that came to mind. Up until her nineteenth birthday she still believed that despite all of her insecurities and feelings of inferiority she would get her happy ending, naively enough she always thought that she would get to ride off into the sunset with the first and only man that she had ever loved. Unfortunately for her, her fairy tale hadn't ended with "And they lived happily ever after" hell it hadn't really ended. All she got for putting her heart on the line and giving her body, heart and soul to a man was a sad fucking note asking for her forgiveness and well wishes in all of her future endeavors – business etiquette at its finest.

Meeting him had been exhilarating it had brought her to life. From the moment she saw the tall, God like man that stood in front of her that rainy day in that small shithole of a town where her dad lived she had been smitten. The fact that he looked at her and smiled only made her blush more furiously than she ever thought possible and made her heart beat at a rate she thought would surely cause a heart attack. It was at that moment she knew she was a goner. Despite the original happiness that such a simple gesture had caused inside of her she knew that whatever she was feeling could never be reciprocated. After all here was this painfully handsome older man and here she was just a plain 18 year old girl with a foolish grin on her face and cheeks that would make the reddest of roses pale in comparison. So she sighed loudly, looked at the floor and hesitantly walked away from him relishing the feeling of having such a wonderful looking creature grace her with a smile for a split second.

The days had passed and slowly but surely she picked up bits and pieces on this new "businessman" that had caught the attention of every female in shithole town.

"His name is Edward Cullen…"

"He's Carlisle and Esme Cullen's son. So you can see where he gets his looks."

"Apparently he's some sort of corporate lawyer."

"I hear he's staying in town for a while."

And with every new bit of information that she gathered by fading quietly into the background of the Forks gossip crowd she grew to love everything about the handsome man, whose name was Edward Cullen. So her feelings had only intensified when he had asked her out for coffee. Why of all the girls he had asked her was a mystery but she had smiled shyly and accepted his offer while jumping for joy on the inside. Thus began, the best year of her life and for once she believed that maybe she could be _that _girl. For months, she had hope and dreams and happiness – for once in her life Isabella Swan knew what it was to be in love. Her insecurities would rear their ugly head whenever she saw tall beautiful women staring and throwing themselves at Edward but he just smiled at her, told her he loved only her and that she was the most beautiful woman on this planet and when he looked at her she could tell that he meant every word of it and her heart soared.

And one day…he was gone. A sad note addressed to her with fucking apologies and empty well wishes. And she had crumbled into nothingness.

Yes, Isabella Swan had learned to live with many things these past three years of her life pain, heartache, bitterness, nightmares and meaningless comfort sex – but unfortunately for her she had yet to learn how to live with the pain of not being with Edward Cullen.


	3. Rolling In The Deep

Ok so again I'm up till 2am because I cannot get this stupid idea out of my head. I blame Adele's CD for this because it's just so damn good. Anyway, finally I can sleep now!

Thanks in advance for reading!

~XOXO~

To say she was shocked would be an understatement. Here she was in her underwear up against the wall of her small apartment with a man groping her and there _he_ stood just gaping at her with a tense jaw and clenched fists. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think and the only thing that came out of her mouth as her whole body tensed under _his_ gaze was "Edward" how fucking original, as if he didn't know his own damn name. Within seconds of saying _his _name the man that was on top of her removed his face from the crook of her neck and moved to stand beside her against the wall. Then her mind cleared and she laughed at the likelihood that Edward would really be standing there, in her living room at two o'clock in the morning on their fucking anniversary, watching as she was getting down and dirty with her personal savior.

"Emmett I think I had a little too much to drink. I'm fucking seeing Edward." She laughed as tears spilled from her eyes, "I'm fucking seeing Edward – again and on our anniversary goddamn it! The irony definitely does not escape me." The bitterness with which she spit out the last sentence stung even her own ears but the laughter continued. She couldn't stop laughing, if she did she might realize how fucked up she really felt and would begin to sob uncontrollably. Yes, laughing was ok. The last thing she needed was another fucking mental breakdown. Her last one had nearly cost her what little sanity she had left, not to mention her life.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity to her the laughing subsided and the sobbing didn't start. She danced a happy dance in her head for the personal victory. Isabella Swan – 1 Insanity and Mental Breakdowns – 1095. Her gaze however could not leave the figment of her imagination. There stood "Edward" right in front of her eyes burning a hole through her, a mixture of sadness, anger and a million other emotions radiating off of his eyes. He looked so real, so handsome so Edward like that even though she _knew_ he couldn't possibly be real she still couldn't keep her eyes off of him.

"Bells…put your dress back on." Emmett said to her in a monotone voice as he handed her the special blue dress she had bought for the occasion.

She had momentarily forgotten about Emmett and their planned activities but now that he had told her to put her clothes back on a worried frown started to make its way onto her face.

"_Fucking great Isabella. Talk about a fucking mood killer." _She thought as she looked at the dress that he was holding up to her. She couldn't really look him in the eyes right now, ashamed she'd see pity in his beautiful features.

She turned to receive the dress he was holding out for her and slowly put it on.

"Emmett, look I'm sorry ok. You just know how I get sometimes. I'm sorry, just please don't leave me tonight ok? Come on we do this every year it's our thing. I'm sorry for the way I talked to you earlier and I'm sorry I brought _her_ up I know that kills you. Just please don't leave me. Not tonight. You know we need each other right now." She whispered as the tears rolled down her cheeks, she wiped them furiously and finally looked up to Emmett knowing that if he could just see how much they needed each other tonight he would reconsider.

When she finally looked up at him however, Emmett wasn't staring at her with pity or sadness or even anger – actually he wasn't staring at her at all. There stood Emmett face void of emotions staring directly at imaginary Edward.

"Emmett, did you hear me? I said I was sorry ok? Are you going to stay? Look I'm sorry if I freaked you out. I'm – I just had a little too much to drink and I'm seeing things –" just then something clicked inside her head and her breath caught in her throat..

"Emmett what are you looking at?" she whispered breathlessly.

"Bells. I think I should go. You two have a lot to talk about." Emmett said with a hint of shock and a lot of anger in his voice. He didn't know how to feel about _him _being back here in their lives and now he couldn't help but wonder if _she_ was nearby as well. He had to get out of here or else he was going to kill Edward. "I'll be at my place. Call me if you want me to come back or better yet just show up at my house. You've got a key. I'll call you in an hour if I don't hear from you by then." He said to her as he kissed her cheek and hugged her. He didn't know if she'd completely realize that Edward was really standing in her living room but he was a coward and needed to leave the room before he killed someone.

As the door shut behind Emmett, Bella replayed the words that Emmett had said before his abrupt departure.

"_You two have a lot to talk about." _

"You're real aren't you?" Bella whispered as she looked at the ground. She couldn't see him, not yet. Her brain still had to process the fact that he was really there. Edward was really there. How had he gotten in? What was he doing in her apartment? Where the hell had he been these past three years? Why did he leave her so abruptly and suddenly all those years ago? And most importantly WHY was he back?

"Yes." Edward said in a tight voice.

His voice made her head snap up and she looked him directly in the eyes. All the pain and heartache that she had felt the past three years seemed to overwhelm her and she found it incredibly difficult to breathe. Then in an instant all the sadness turned into anger and bitterness, a bitterness that she had never felt before. Her blood started to boil and her heart felt like it was breaking and incinerating all at the same time.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" she yelled at him. There were no tears falling from her eyes and that surprised her. She always imagined that if she ever saw him again she'd cry a river and beg for answers. Instead here he stood in front of her in her territory and all she wanted to do was get him as far away from her house as humanly possible.

Edward, on the other hand stood in front of her shocked at the anger that he heard in her voice. He knew he had broken her heart all those years ago but he hoped that she'd knew that his own heart had broken when he left her that day. He didn't recognize the woman that stood in front of him. She seemed so hurt, broken and angry – so angry and he knew that he was responsible for that, after all he had left her.

"You're with Emmett now?" he whispered. He knew he had no right to ask her anything but seeing her kiss him and seeing him touching her had made anger course through every nerve in his body and he wanted an answer from her all the while knowing that he really didn't deserve one.

She stared at him incredulously and couldn't help the evil smirk that formed on her lips when her mind finally realized that he had witnessed her and Emmett in a very intimate position.

"You could say that." She said in an eerily calm and collected voice. The anger that had been radiating from her earlier had settled and transformed into something else. Edward couldn't put his finger on what this new emotion was but he knew he didn't like it.

"Why? I mean does he make you happy? Are you happy Bella?" he didn't know why he felt he had a right to ask these questions but he would continue asking them until she stopped answering. He needed to know how she had lived her life without him, he needed to see the fruits of his sacrifice. He needed to know that she was happy. If she was happy without him his heart would still hurt but he'd know that he made the right choice in leaving her when he did.

"Why? Because he wants me and cares for me, when you left you didn't just break my heart, you broke my spirit, you took my soul. Does he make me happy? Well he doesn't make me cry, he hasn't broken my spirit. Am I happy? No. I'm not happy." Bella said in a calm voice. Her whole body felt numb and her once rapidly beating heart felt hollow.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. What can I do to make you happy? All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy that's why I left. I'll do anything, please tell me what I can do to fix this." Edward said his eyes filling with tears. He couldn't believe what he had done to the only woman that he'd ever loved. How selfish had he been leaving her without taking her feelings into consideration.

"_No more." _He silently vowed to himself. He would spend the rest of eternity making this up to her if that's what she wanted. He looked at her emotionless face and his already broken heart crumbled. This was not who she was. He had turned her into the person that she was today. He had broken her.

"You want to know what would make me happy?" she said looking at him with angry eyes, "well that's easy. The one thing that will make me happy is for you to feel the desperation, the despair, the sorrow that I have felt for the past three years. I want you to suffer all of the pain that I have suffered because of you. I want you to know what it's like to curse the fact that you get to see another day because death would be better than living with the pain that you feel." Bella said to a stunned Edward.

Edward couldn't move. He was frozen who was this woman that stood in front of him?

"Bella. I know you're angry but this isn't you. You're not like this. You could never wish that upon anyone. You would never intentionally inflict pain on someone." he said as he looked at her empty expression. He couldn't believe that those words had come out of his sweet Bella's lips. The girl that he had loved would never say anything like that to anyone, let alone him. He looked at her shocked and heartbroken. He had taken a sweet girl and had turned her into a bitter woman. How could he ever forgive himself for this?

"You're wrong Edward this is me. This is the new and improved Bella. This is what you created. Are you happy now dear? I hope so. Now, if you'll excuse me I have some unfinished business to take care of with Emmett. You interrupted our little rendezvous and to be honest I'd like to finish what I started with him. Make sure you lock my door on your way out. It was wonderful to see you. I sincerely hope we see each other again soon." Bella said with a smile as she walked passed Edward to the hallway mirror to reapply her lipstick.

Edward's shocked expression made the fire in her heart ignite. She was tired of pain, and heartache. He was back and she would get her revenge even if it destroyed them both in the process. He had to pay for all the scars that his love had left.

"Bella, please listen to me. You have to let me explain. This person, this isn't you. You're a wonderful, sweet woman. Please. Don't do this to yourself. I left for you. I left so you could have a better life with someone your age. Please just listen to me." Edward said with a determined voice as he grabbed her by the arm. He couldn't understand what was happening. He had prepared for all kinds of scenarios but this – this "new Bella" had never crossed his mind.

"Oh Edward, poor self-sacrificing, Edward," Bella sighed as she smirked up at him and touched his jaw with her index finger, head tilting to the side. "You underestimate me, I'm not doing anything to myself. I'm doing this to hurt you. You know, we could have had it all? You had my heart, my body, my soul, my unwavering love and you just threw it all away. You did so much more than just break my heart, you made me believe in fairy tales and then stole my soul. We could have been wonderful, epic even. Oh well. I'm so glad you're back my dear." She said as she escaped from his grasp.

"Bella, please I'm begging you just listen to me." Edward whispered desperately while running his hands through his unruly hair.

"Oh Edward. I'm done listening to you for tonight. You're back we'll have plenty of time to catch up. Have a good night darling." She said as she put her hand around his neck to bring his cheek down to the level of her lips. She gently placed a kiss on his cheek and then moved her mouth to his ear.

"Oh by the way," she whispered, "You're going to wish you never had met me." Bella said as she let go of his neck and walked towards her discarded purse. Reaching for her cell phone she made her way to the door.

"Emmett, it's me. You're ready to finish what we started?" was the last thing Edward heard from Bella before the door quietly closed leaving him standing alone in Bella's apartment. Bella's heels echoed down the hallway fading slowly into the background leaving him to wonder what exactly had happened to the Bella Swan he fell in love with.


	4. Misery Business

First of I'd like to thank goldeyedsoul and kgunter34 for reviewing. Like I said I've never done this so I had no idea anyone reviewed until I started exploring. I really didn't think anyone was really reading and I'm glad someone likes my idea of a bitter Bella (I always thought she was too quick to forgive). Anyway, today I decided to actually write something before midnight seeing as how I have work tomorrow and would like to be able to sleep! Please, let me know what you guys think and again I'm sorry if Bella seems so "unlike herself" but like I said I've had this idea for a long time and just couldn't get it out of my head.

~XOXO~

The rays of the rising sun started illuminating the room far too quickly for Bella's liking. The past five hours had been all but a blur. Her mind replaying her encounter with Edward over and over again, causing an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach and a bitter copper taste to fill the back of her throat. When she had arrived at Emmett's she hadn't said two words to him and just continued where they had left off before he had left her in her apartment with _him_. She knew he had questions, she knew he wanted to know if _she_ had come back with Edward but he had seen the hurt and bitterness in her eyes and just kissed her passionately, hands roaming both looking to heal the wound that had been opened up so suddenly by Edward's impromptu return.

A new wave of anger hit her so suddenly she gasped loudly and quickly got up from Emmett's bed. She quietly put her clothes on, leaving a note for him on the nightstand. The day had already begun and there was much to do. A part of her thought that once the sun rose she'd regret all the things she had said to Edward, surprisingly enough the regret and guilt had not happened, if anything the want for revenge had gotten stronger. She could see it, the pain in his eyes, the jealousy and it brought her a sick sense of pleasure. She had a plan. He'd broken her and she would make him pay one way or another. She still loved him, she wasn't foolish enough to believe otherwise, but at this moment she wanted – no needed - revenge and she was going to get it.

When she finally arrived home she only had time for a quick shower. She needed to leave, everything in there now reminded her of Edward and that only added to her bitterness and to the ache in her now hollow heart. When she had first moved in she made sure to keep this place "neutral". No pictures adorned her walls, no trinkets covered her shelves, she only had the bare essentials and she liked it that way. When Edward had left her everything of hers seemed to only remind her of him so after months of tears and mental breakdowns Emmett had helped her box everything she owned and she had it all thrown in storage. That's when they had bonded. At first she believed she was the only person who suffered by Edward's departure. As the fog lifted and as more information trickled down from the shithole gossip queens she realized Emmett had been left in the same boat, just as heartbroken and miserable. He had been the only one there when she effectively pushed everybody away, he had saved her when he found her bleeding in the bathtub when the pain and the vicious voices in her head had blinded her good judgment. He had been her salvation and he had told her numerous times that she had been his. She loved him, cared for him just as she knew he loved and cared for her and there were times when they would be together, that it seemed that their fractured spirits almost made a whole. And this, in her darkest hours, had brought her hope that maybe she was good enough, for that alone she owed him more than she could ever repay.

After her shower, she stood in a towel looking at her closet trying to find the perfect outfit. Today, she was no longer Bella Swan heartbroken, fragile girl. Today and for the rest of her life she would be Isabella Swan healed (by any means necessary), strong woman. After deliberating for as long as she could she realized that most of her clothes, except for a few pieces that Alice had insisted on getting for her all those years ago, represented "Bella" so she slipped on a black dress, a pair of heels and sent a silent prayer to the powers that be that she did not fall on her face while trying to walk in those ridiculously high shoes.

"No, Isabella is not a fucking klutz…" she muttered to herself as she looked into the mirror, her dark eye makeup causing her to gasp. She looked different.

"_I guess your eyes are the window to your soul, or what's left of it anyway."_ She bitterly thought to herself. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and willed herself to calm down. After her impromptu, albeit failed, breathing exercise she quickly walked into her living room and dug through her purse finding her cell phone. She felt guilty for what she was about to do, only because this involved Carlisle and really he was the most thoughtful, sweetest man that ever walked the planet. For a moment her brain told her to stop, to not do this, but her fingers and her heart screamed otherwise, she promised him he'd wish he'd never met her and really what kind of strong fucking confident woman would she be if she didn't live up to her word? As the call connected her breath hitched in her throat causing her to not realize that someone had already picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Carlisle's smooth, endearing voice came through the speakers causing her to snap back from whatever inner battle her mind and heart had decided to pick at that precise moment.

"Carlisle, it's Bel – Isabella Swan." The strength and calmness of her voice surprised her own ears and again her heart filled with some unidentifiable feeling from knowing she was getting better and better at manipulating her surroundings.

"Bella? How wonderful to hear from you. Is everything ok? Are you ok? Is anything wrong? Are you alone?" he asked worriedly. She smiled unconsciously, Carlisle always worried about her, in the beginning she was sure he felt guilty because after all her depression had started when his son had left her. After many months though she realized that Carlisle was just a deeply compassionate and all around wonderful human being and again she felt a pang of guilt for she was sure that when Edward hurt he would hurt. He had treated her when Emmett had rushed her to the hospital and the look of sadness in his eyes when she finally opened hers was unmistakable. He murmured soothing words of comfort to her and all she remembers thinking is how Edward had his father's eyes. She shook her head to get the rid of that painful memory and took another breath trying to ease the gnawing guilt that was building in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm wonderful Carlisle thank you for asking. I was just calling to ask you if you knew about any available jobs. I heard that you had a friend that was opening a business around here and well I just thought I'd ask. Honestly I think it's time for a change and I know I don't have much experience but I know I can do whatever I set my mind into." She said nonchalantly. While she was in the hospital Carlisle would visit her at least twice a day. She learned to confide in him, at least in certain things, and he had made her promise him that if she ever needed anything she would call him. So here she was keeping her word.

"Yes…a friend of mine is opening a business here, his son is managing it and I'm sure that I could get you a job. I'm so glad to hear from you Bella. You sound so different, stronger." Carlisle said happily, almost to himself and again Bella cringed a little at his tone. She knew exactly what she was doing and she was grateful that Carlisle didn't seem to know about Edward's return. This made things easier, smoother for her.

"Thank you Carlisle I really do appreciate it." Bella said sincerely, Carlisle Cullen was a saint, she knew she was going to hell for this.

"Please, don't even mention it, it's my pleasure. I'll call my friend and tell him all about how wonderfully talented you are and I'll call you tomorrow." He said in a joyous tone.

"Thank you so much, I'll talk to you tomorrow." Bella said merrily before she quickly hung up the phone. She was glad the conversation had been cut short, talking to the sweet man that only had her best interest at heart had taken quite a toll on her.

"_Deep breaths Isabella. We'll jump off that fucking bridge when we get to it." _She thought to herself as she put her cell phone back in her purse quickly grabbing her coat and keys she headed off to her next dreaded task. She most definitely did not want to do this but sighing she reminded herself it had to be done. She was a new and improved woman, so she needed new and improved clothes.

"The one time I need to go shopping and Alice is not even here. I knew she would've enjoyed this torture-fest." Bella muttered to herself as she stepped into her car and drove towards Port Angeles. The drive was uneventful and when logical thoughts seemed to rear their ugly head into Bella's mind she just turned up the music and stepped on the gas, the adrenaline seemed to quiet all rational thoughts that threatened to invade her mind.

Finally after countless songs and endless, pointless inner monologues she arrived to her dreaded destination and stepped out of her car. She wasn't oblivious to the looks she was getting and her ego inflated a little bit every time she saw a man look her way. To her, they were all representations of Edward and she couldn't wait to see his reaction.

Entering the upscale mall she attempted to remember where Alice had taken her. Luckily for her she remembered a couple stores and made sure to hit those first. After all, Alice had always had wonderful taste and she needed a new wardrobe for her new job.

After hours of clothes shopping Bella felt the beginning of a nasty headache developing.

"Ok, just need shoes and then sleep." She whispered to herself, countless bags on her arms. She had been proud of herself, she hadn't dropped, tripped or fallen the whole day and though she was sure her feet would be bleeding by the time she got home she silently praised herself.

As she walked into the shoe store and asked the sales lady for advice she sat on the ottoman waiting, anxiously rubbing her temples in a futile attempt to keep her headache away, when she glanced up and saw _her_. Her blood boiled, and her heart pounded furiously. There she was in all her gorgeous glory looking disinterested as she picked up a slinky pair of red heels and examined them. She looked a little older than she remembered, still beautiful as ever. Bella automatically sunk a little lower in her seat, then quickly realized the error of her ways and sat back up.

"_Come on Isabella, you can do this. New and improved you remember? Let's start this shit off right." _She thought to herself. Slowly she sat up from her seat and started walking towards _her _direction, pretending to be surveying the countless designer shoes that adorned the shelves. Finally she stopped right next to her and heard her gasp. Looking up slowly, fake smile plastered on her face she looked up at the beautiful woman.

"Well wonders never cease. What a surprise to see you back around these parts?" Bella said in a smooth, ultra soft voice.

"Uh, Bella – how are you? You look so different – great – you look great." The beautiful woman said to Bella nervously.

Bella was shocked at the gorgeous woman's demeanor. This was not the woman that left town all those years ago, this woman was a shell of what she used to be – beautiful beyond words – but, still a shell nonetheless.

"It's Isabella now, and I'm fantastic. You, as always, look amazing. You're back in town?" Bella asked as she picked up the red strappy heels that the woman in front of her had picked up before their "reunion".

"Yes, I'm – we're – back for a while, at least…" the blonde said nervously as she fidgeted with her hands. Bella could detect a hint of guilt in the beautiful woman's voice, she inwardly cheered. Fate must want her to have her revenge otherwise this woman wouldn't be standing in front of her.

"Well that's just fabulous! We must all get together for dinner sometime! You, Edward, me and Emmett it'll be a couple's thing, just like old times. I won't take no for an answer." Bella said sweetly. At the mention of Emmett's name she saw the woman's eyes flicker.

"_There it fucking is…"_ Bella thought to herself. That flicker in the blonde's eyes confirmed her suspicions and really if Edward had to suffer for what he did to her, then this beautiful woman had to suffer as well, not only for the part she played in her and Edward's demise, but also for the heartache that she had caused Emmett. Really, what kind of friend would she be if she didn't seek revenge for her savior?

"Emmett? He's still around?" the tall beauty asked, the desperation Bella heard in her voice made her blood boil a little more and she had to hold on to the red strappy heel in her hand with more force than needed.

"Of course he is silly, where else would he go? We're great…friends." Bella said, evil smirk back in place. She emphasized the word "friends" hoping that the woman would get the double meaning and by the look of hurt that appeared on the beautiful woman's features she's sure she did.

"I see." Was all that the blonde said to Bella, clearing her throat to prevent the tears that were glistening in her eyes from falling.

"Yes, so I'm sure we'll be seeing each other. We'll talk about dinner soon! It was wonderful seeing you. Now if you'll excuse me I kind of left Emmett's this morning in a hurry and left before he woke up so I really should get back." Bella said coolly enjoying the flicker of jealousy and pain that etched themselves in the tall woman's eyes.

"Uh – of - of course, great to see you too Bel - Isabella." The blonde woman whispered as she watched the shorter brunette walk back to her seat, red strappy heels in hand.

"I'll take these red shoes in a size 7.5 please." The saleswoman just smiled and turned to the back. When she returned Bella made her way to the register, the gorgeous woman was still in the small upscale store, standing less than two feet away and though Bella never once turned to look at her again, she could feel the woman's eyes following her.

"Thank you very much, I hope you enjoy the shoes." The kind saleswoman said to Bella as she handed her, her purchase.

"Thank you, I'm sure I will. After all my Emmett does love anything red." Bella said aloud, out of the corner of her eye she could have sworn she saw the beautiful woman wipe a tear from her face.

"_Fucking hurts doesn't it?" _Bella thought to herself as she walked towards the door, just as she was about to step outside something inside of her willed her to look back and say something, anything. She had to have the last word in this conversation.

"Again, it was wonderful to see you. You look incredibly, beautiful just like always _Rosalie_." Bella said her name with venom in her voice and sweetness in her face. Before Rosalie could even register Bella's words Bella turned on her heels and walked out the door, head held high, red strappy heels in hand, and a fire in her heart that only made the bitter taste of copper that burned in the back of her throat all that much more intense.


	5. Love Hurts

**Disclaimer:** Obviously I own nothing – if I did I would have remembered that I had this little thing floating around a hell of a lot sooner. I would also own Batman and The Avengers and every other piece of FF that I am addicted too. Alas, I don't. Boo-freaking-hoo for me.

All mistakes are totally mine because well I just wrote this in like 30 minutes and I'm kind of tired. Excuses I know but hey what the hell – they make the world go round.

~XOXO~

_Beep beep beep beep_

"What the fuck is that?" were the first words out of Emmett's mouth. His brain sill foggy from the alcohol and the emotional rollercoaster Bella and he had endured the night before. Opening his eyes was a battle which he was not ready to fight at the moment so instead he took it upon himself to feel his way through the bed in order to slam the devilish device that had awoken him from his less than peaceful slumber. That's when he noticed Bella wasn't lying next to him anymore. His eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up, his heart beating furiously against his chest as a frown adorned his lips. Bella was his best friend, his lover, his fallen angel and he shuddered at the idea that last night was too much for her. Flashes of Bella sinking to the bottom of a blood soaked bathtub began to bombard him and he furiously shook his head trying desperately to dispel the horrific images he re-lived every time he saw Bella's physical and emotional scars. Almost immediately, the thumping in his head began and he realized that sudden movements were not his friend's. He shut his eyes in an attempt to collect his thoughts and stop the pain, fear and uncertainty that consumed him.

_Beepbeepbeepbeepbeeeeeeep_

The evil device kept beeping and it was starting to really piss him off. Reluctantly he opened his eyes and found the small alarm clock that had somehow ended up underneath his bed. For about a second he wondered when the last time he slept for so long had been but the thought went as quickly as it came and with one swift move he flung the annoying alarm clock across the room and straight into the wall. In less than a nano-second his apartment was finally free from the incessant beeping which had dared woken him up from his restless sleep. Finally with silence he was able to gather his thoughts.

Unfortunately for him, memories of the night before began flooding back to him, hitting his consciousness all at once – a thousand different emotions and thoughts and questions swirled around his head each followed by even more emotions and thoughts and questions. Every second that passed his brain grew clearer and the situation which he found himself in grew bleaker.

Edward Cullen was back and out of all the ways that he imagined his return would play out in regards to Bella, what was happening now was something he could not understand and it scared him. He always imagined that if Edward ever returned Bella would fall to pieces, crumble at the sight of him, (hence his initial reaction to finding her side of the bed cold and empty) or perhaps, she would lovingly embrace him and beg for a second chance – he never in a million years imagined that instead of staying with _him_ she would show up at his apartment with a look in her eyes that he had never seen before. It was passion, it was lust, it was hate, it was painful, it was _evil_, and that is precisely what was scaring him. He had been through hell and back with Bella Swan. He had seen her broken: a bleeding, sobbing mess but he had never, _ever_ seen her look evil and that worried him and excited him in ways that he could not fathom. He worried about her sanity, her fragile state of mind – she had tried to kill herself before and came _ohsoclose_ to ending her life that just the thought of it makes his jaw clench and his heart ache – and yet the Bella that showed up at his apartment last night wasn't that broken girl that he found bleeding to death in her bathtub. No. The Bella that showed up at his apartment last night was not the fractured girl that he expected her to be, her eyes were burning with something, evil though that something may had been, itexcited him. Bella deserved better than Edward Cullen – she deserved better than the pain that he had inflicted upon her soul. She had a right to feel anger, hell the more he thought about it the more he realized she had a right to _be_ evil. He preferred this new Bella over broken-hearted-only-alive-because her-body-refuses-to-quit-fighting-even-when-her-spirit-is-begging-it-to-Bella. This he could live with.

Then there was Rosalie.

From the moment he saw Edward the night before the only thing he could think about was Rosalie. Was she with him? Was she staying? Would he be able to handle seeing her with him? Would she still remember him? Every thought that initially bombarded his brain when he saw Edward was about Rosalie and the pain that she had caused both himself and Bella.

She had been the love of his life, still was. He had never loved anyone the way that he loved her and he knows, deep down inside his heart, that he'll never love anyone else that way ever again.

He still remembers the first time that he saw her, sitting in that poor excuse for a café. Hair flowing over her shoulders , framing her gorgeous face. She was perfect and in the blink of an eye, literally, he was in love. It was clichéd and disgustingly sweet and at the moment he reveled in the warm feeling that spread through his soul when he saw her. Now, after three years of unimaginable hurt he hated himself for falling _headoverfuckingheels_ in love with her so quickly, so desperately . Never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine that falling so in love would be so painful. He felt that old familiar ache in his chest multiply. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Hurt. Burning ache. Hurt. That was all that he could feel.

"Bella." He half-whispered to himself aloud. He needed to talk to her. He needed to hear her voice. Everything would be all right once he heard her voice. Slowly he lifted his body from the bed, the thumping in his head becoming more of a nuisance than actual pain. He was looking for his phone when he spotted Bella's note. He let out a breath that he didn't even realize he was holding. As he read the note he couldn't help the incredulous chuckle that came from his lips when he read that she was going to go shopping. That was so _not_ Bella, but he was glad she was going to be away from town even if it was for only a couple of hours. By now the rumor fucking mill was probably churning and the last thing he wanted was for Bella to be caught in the middle of anything.

Though reading her note would normally have satisfied him today was different. He _needed_ to hear her voice. He just did. Looking around the nightstand he finally found his phone and quickly found her in his "favorites" screen.

_Ring – ring – ring – ring…_

"Come on Bella." He half-muttered to himself, willing Bella to pick up the phone. She didn't. Voicemail. Shit. "Bella it's me. You need to call me. I got your note but I still want to talk to you I want to know you're ok. Just please call me. Ok?" he ended the call rapidly not wanting his tone to give away too much emotion. He's had enough fucking emotion to last him a lifetime thank you very much.

He needed a shower - desperately so he gathered his newfound strength and headed for the bathroom letting the water wash away what little was left of his alcoholic fog. When he got out of the shower he noticed a missed call and a voicemail. He felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulder when he heard Bella's message.

"_Hey Emmett. It's me. Sorry I didn't answer. I was shopping. So we need to talk. I saw Rosalie, Emmett. I - sigh – look I'm coming over tonight ok? We'll talk tonight. I'm fine Emmett. Actually, I'm better than fine. I am…well I don't know what I am but – never mind . We'll talk tonight all right? I'll be there around 9. Call me if anything."_

Rosalie was back too. And just like that he realized that the pain that he had been feeling these past three years was nothing in comparison to what he was feeling now. She was back and it hurt. It _hurthurthurt_ in ways he didn't think were possible, and he really, honest-to-God believed that he _had_ hurt in every which way possible. He always assumed that after time if he were to see her again he would feel a pang of something or at the very least the exact same thing he felt every time he really thought about her but he never thought that just hearing her name would illicit such pain. He hurt in ways that were indescribable – and that pissed him off more than probably anything ever had before.

Because as much as he would love to delude himself he _knows_ with every fiber of his being, that no one hurts _that much_ unless they love _oh that much more_.

Love hurts and this particular brand of hurt burned and scarred and angered the soul. The more he thought about it the more he realized that he had shared with her all his love and she had thrown it away, it was only fair that he share all this hurt too. Why not? Yes, love hurts and someone was going to pay he figures it's only fair. Karmic justice, if you will.

Love hurts and he was going to prove it to Rosalie, even if the pain killed him in the process.


	6. Tourniquet

Hello! Ok, first of all I would really like to apologize for it being so long. Unfortunately a dear member of my family had some very serious health issues and so I was completely overwhelmed with that, not to mention the full time job and the full time school schedule and blah blah blah blah blah. That being said, I'd really like to thank all the people that PM'ed me and asked me for updates. I'm honestly surprised anyone is even interested in this story especially enough to actually take the time to message me so thank you very much. Now this chapter I think ends kind of funny seeing as how it's a flashback but I just couldn't bring myself to NOT end it the way that I did. Anyway, if anyone is still reading or interested or has feedback and suggestions please please please let me know! I am all ears and once again thank you for reading. XOXO

As Bella walked out of the upscale shoe store and out to the overcrowded mall parking lot she felt an intense need to hear Emmett's voice. The past 24 hours had been surreal and as much as she had enjoyed seeing the hurt in both Edward and Rosalie's eyes she felt a hollow ache in her chest that was threatening to swallow her whole. She'd felt this feeling before and it nearly killed her but this time things were going to be different. This time she was strong, this time she had Emmett, her wonderful, poor, equally fractured soulmate, Emmett. Opening her car door she threw her bags into the passenger side seat and quickly fumbled through her purse. Finally she found her phone and noticed a missed call from Emmett. She quickly dialed his number not even bothering to listen to the message he had left her. She knew what he was thinking, she knew that he was worried about her especially after Edward's unexpected return and she wanted to reassure him that she was ok. Unfortunately, the ringing was too loud and Bella bit her lip, cringing inwardly at the pounding that was reverberating through her head.

"Oh God you cannot still be asleep…" Bella muttered to herself as the phone continued to ring. Finally after a couple more rings Emmett's sweet voice instructed her to leave a message. "Hey Emmett. It's me. Sorry I didn't answer. I was shopping. So we need to talk. I saw Rosalie, Emmett. I - sigh – look I'm coming over tonight ok? We'll talk tonight. I'm fine Emmett. Actually, I'm better than fine. I am…well I don't know what I am but – never mind . We'll talk tonight all right? I'll be there around 9. Call me if anything." She quickly hung up the phone and tossed it on top of her bag. She didn't know why she told Emmett about Rosalie maybe she just wanted to warn him before he saw her, give him a heads up, whatever the hell that meant.

Clutching the steering wheel, she focused on her hands – steady, pale, cold – the complete opposite of how she felt on the inside. Every time she closed her eyes she saw him. Poor, self-sacrificing Edward and her insides burned with anger. Who the fuck did he think he was? Coming back, acting as if what he did to her was nothing. He had NO idea what she had gone through and that pissed her off more than anything. Edward was able to throw her and all the love that she had given him away, like it was worth nothing and now he was back and he had the audacity to look at her with those fucking sad green eyes of his and tell her that he knew her. He had no idea what she had gone through, no idea who he had turned her into. He didn't know the kind of pain and death that his goodbye caused but he would know soon enough. He'd know and a part of her hoped that it would kill him just like he had killed a part of her.

Taking a deep breath she once again fumbled through the contents of her purse to pull out a cigarette. With a flick of her lighter she rapidly inhaled and felt relief as the smoke entered her lungs and the nicotine hit her system. She couldn't think about her past without a cigarette or a drink or both and seeing as how she didn't have a drink handy a cigarette would have to suffice. She took another long drag before inserting the car keys into the ignition and beginning the drive back to Shithole town.

_*Flashback*_

_It had been four weeks since she found his letter and she had yet to leave her apartment. Her father, friends and even Carlisle and Esme had called her countless times but she refused to answer. The only person that she had seen had been Emmett but that was mostly because he literally broke the door down to let himself in other than him no one else had seen her. She couldn't face them, couldn't go outside and see the sympathetic looks from those who cared for her and the joyful looks of all the gossiping bitches who had been waiting for this day, after all he was just too damn good for her and they all just knew that he was using her to pass the time. So here she was going to remain curled up on the floor crying. A part of her couldn't understand how one person could cry so much and then she saw that letter and her heart ached and broke in ways that were inexplicable and the tears came back. She couldn't handle this, no one could. The pain was just too much and she wasn't strong enough to bear it. There was no way that Bella would be able to live with this, like this, for the rest of her life. There was only one way out. _

_Slowly, she got up from the floor and headed towards the bathroom walking towards the bathtub and turning on the hot water slowly watching it fill. The steam rising from the water that was pouring out of the faucet was rapidly filling the bathroom. She walked out to her bedroom and sat down on her chair, laptop in front of her. She considered typing her goodbye but felt her loved ones deserved something more personal than just a typed letter so she quietly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and began to write. _

_She wrote to her father, telling him how much she loved him and how she was sorry that she was not able to express it as much as she should have. _

_She wrote to Alice thanking her for being the ray of sunshine that she was and for bringing much needed, though perhaps not necessarily wanted, style into her life. _

_She wrote to Emmett thanking him for being so stubborn and literally breaking her door down just to feed her a week ago. _

_She wrote to Carlisle and Esme for caring about her and loving her despite what had happened between their son and her. _

_She wrote to Edward, asking him why and expressing her love for him even if he didn't reciprocate the feelings. _

_She wrote._

_As she was signing her farewell a feeling of serenity engulfed her, she could see the finish line, soon there would be no more pain and she felt at peace with her choice. Soon she would stop hurting. _

_She placed the pen on top of her goodbye letter and walked back into the bathroom. The steam was so thick that she could barely see in front of her but she knew her home and quickly turned off the water. She took the razorblades from the medicine cabinet, and tears glistened in her eyes. They were his razorblades and she chuckled a bit on knowing that something that was his was going to end her physical life. _

"_It's fitting. His words killed my soul and his razorblades will kill me physically." She muttered to no one in particular as she grabbed two razorblades. _

_Slowly stripping down to just her underwear she laid in the bathtub and looked at the shiny razorblades. Finally after what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds she brought the shiny, sharp object to her wrist drawing a perfectly beautiful vertical line on her right wrist. Immediately the blood started pouring out of her and mixing with the warm water. She was surprised that she didn't feel pain, if anything she was starting to feel weightless her sadness finally subsiding and flowing out of her. She dropped the first razorblade and with a shaky hand grabbed, as well as she could, the second one and drew a less perfect, though just as beautiful, at least in her eyes, vertical line on her left wrist. _

_And then she closed her eyes and waited. _

_Waited for relief. _

_Waited for salvation._

_Waited for deliverance. _

_Waited to die. _

_And just as she took, what she hoped would be her last breath, she could have sworn she heard an angel call her name. But that was impossible, because an angel would never sound so brokenhearted and an angel would never reside in such a dark place and so she let the darkness take over._


End file.
